


Chapter 7: Be Brave

by BadgersQueen



Series: On The Road [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Romance, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 08:10:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2102100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadgersQueen/pseuds/BadgersQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meredith finds herself thrown into a world of demons, angels, monsters and everything she'd believed to be actually real. With an unexpected companionship with the demon, Crowley, she finds that survival isn't the only thing she's going to get a lesson in...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chapter 7: Be Brave

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters are from Meredith's POV (unless stated otherwise) 
> 
> Meredith is my OC & belongs to me.
> 
> Crowley & all other Supernatural related things are not mine.

I was still in shock the very next day. I ran the images through my head a thousand times. Us at dinner. Us kissing. The conversation. Everything. I had locked myself in the bathroom after I'd eaten breakfast. Sitting in the farthest corner possible, crying into my knees. Growley sat in front of me, his head resting on my knees. I could feel his dog breath and despite it's gross and powerful scent, I didn't care. He licked the top of my head but I didn't glance up or move. Everything hurt. Everything was twisted. I was so confused but at the same time I felt good. Was that even possible? To feel good but yet...not? I took slow shallow breathes, trying to keep myself from sobbing harder. The hell hound instantly licked my face as soon as I glanced up. My phone had given a small "beep" tone and I realized I'd gotten a text.

It was from Crowley.

I didn't answer it. If I wasn't feeling like crap, I would have demanded to know how he got my number but right now, I couldn't even look at the text it's self. I'd just seen who it was from. He was probably wondering where I was. I set my phone down by my feet and continued to stare at nothing in particular. I bit my lip in order to keep myself from crying. It was a huge deal, even if nobody else saw it that way. For as long as I could remember, I wasn't even alive in the eyes of any of the guys I went to school with. I had had some guy friends but that was it. I always 'one of the guys', nothing more. Even in the smallest of hopes, not even hitting up Comicon-conventions had done any good. I figured being alone was better than being left broken. I wouldn't have personally admitted it aloud either but I was attracted to Crowley. I tried to keep the thoughts away from myself because it scared me. 

"Am I really that desperate to be loved?" I thought to myself, feeling stupid that I could possibly even have something like everyone else. There was nothing for me and I was trying too hard to cling to something. Anything. "Being attracted to him makes it worse. He keeps cropping up in my head. And just knowing I can't even have that, it's like a piece of cheese strung out and dangling teasingly to a mouse", I felt my chest twist in pain and fell against my knees again, clinging to my legs hard as I pressed my face into my jeans.

My throat felt dry and hot as I tried to hold back sobs. Growley sniffed me and pawed at my legs to get my attention. He whined a little, almost in concern. Or as much concern that hell hounds could muster. I never made sense of the big dog and decided to never consider logic in why he followed me around or licked my face or guarded me. I tried to calm myself again but self-doubt, small voices of my subconscious telling me that I was unwanted and didn't deserve the love of another being, the small twisted knot of me ruining anything good that happened to me. 

"He's a demon. He'll lie and hurt you. He'll leave you for dead or kill you when he's done. Your useless and you know it. You said it yourself. When you become no use to him, your gone", a small voice in my brain responded. It was the ice-cold truthful voice of reality, the one that tells you that your being stupid and should run while your still breathing. It wasn't there to sugar coat things. It was there to scare you and make you listen.

I cried harder, falling onto the floor and sobbing into the tiles. Crowley's kiss still felt new on my mouth. His voice in my ear. Telling me he wanted me. That he didn't want my soul. Everything he'd ever told me, over and over like a record player in my head. I didn't care if five miles of traffic heard me, I couldn't quiet my sobs. I wrapped my arms around my chest, sobbing half into the floor and half into my shoulder as much I could. Images of the nights we'd been out to dinner, holding each other's hand, they hurt. They hurt worse than seeing a couple kiss on the subway or watching people hold hands while they watch their kids play on the swing set at the park. 

"I can't do this", I thought to myself, "I can't. I shouldn't have stayed. I was only hurting myself, who am I kidding? I nearly killed someone because of my stupid heart. I got too close and because of what? Because I thought it would get better? Because I thought everything would stop hurting?" I brought my hands up and covered my face with them as I continued to cry. My body shaking. I felt more stupid than ever before. It was never going to happen. It was never going to work. Nothing about this situation was going to end happy for us. Even if I had considered Crowley's offer, I knew it was useless to assume anything good would come out of this. He was a demon of the crossroads and I was a human. It was just never meant to happen.

For the first time since living with Crowley, I didn't sleep in the study. When night came, I had found some blankets in an upstairs closet and made a small bed in the back of the library. I had managed to grab some food and water before the hours in which Crowley would return for the night. I figured if I didn't see him, I may be able to get through this. And the pain would eventually go away. The hell hound laid at my feet as I munched on some trail-mix and stared at an old book shelf. The library was cold and dark. The windows rattled as a small bluster of wind came through the area. I shivered uncomfortably and just curled up in the blankets. I regretted sleeping on the floor and by the next morning, my back was in pain. I used the upstairs bathroom to shower and was wrapping a towel around myself and stepping out as my phone, once again, beeped. 

"Crowley", I murmured, checking to see who'd sent it. 

Again, I didn't answer.

By the second day of keeping to myself, I kept glancing at my phone. No new texts since the day before. I felt curious to see what he'd texted but I couldn't bring myself to read them. My stomach twisted in knots and I placed my phone in my sweatshirt pocket. Bringing my knees up and wrapping my arms around them. I was sitting out in the hallway, listening to the movement downstairs. Just the usual security of demons patrolling the entrances and exits. My heart racing still as I thought sometimes I could hear him talking to his bodyguards in another room. My eyes started to brim with tears. I hadn't talked to him in nearly two and a half days. Part of me felt like giving in and going to see him but I realized he probably hated me for hiding. I felt even more stupid for acting so childish about my feelings. But they were mine, weren't they? I could do whatever I wanted, right? 

"I didn't mean to hurt him though", I thought, "He has to understand right? I just...I don't know what to do". 

I felt a gross and distinct scent of a happy and full hell hound as Growley came up the stairs and breathed into my face, licking the side of my cheek. I reached over and patted his head, scratching behind his ears. I didn't notice Crowley coming to the bottom of the stairs and seeing me sitting up on the landing. When I thought I was being watched, I glanced but there was nobody there. My heart raced and I took deep breathes, trying to stay calm. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and tried to stay collected. But I momentarily retreated back to the small bed I'd made in the library. I ate the rest of the food I'd brought up there and realized I didn't have enough for dinner. My stomach growled and I was even more tired than I'd ever been before.

"I miss the couch", I muttered to myself, sighing.

I knew I couldn't hide out forever. I was in trouble when I did decide to face him again. I knew I was right. It was all over. He'd change his mind, not want me around. It was the door for me, I could feel it. My heart hurt greatly. Why I had decide to trust him was beyond me. He warned me not to. I tried to nap in the library but that only lasted a couple of hours. I couldn't take laying on the floor. Something about this made me realize, in a humor-ish fashion, this was the reason I detested camping on the ground. Growley at my heels, I made my way downstairs. I passed the demons who were guarding the hallway and as usual, they didn't give me a second look. The study was empty as I went in. I put down the bag I'd take upstairs with me and placed it with my belongings and I curled up on the couch. 

"You always crawl right back, don't you? Your pathetic", the icy-truthful voice told me. 

"Beats sleeping on the floor", I countered in a tired defense.

Part of me felt sickened from giving in so quickly. I couldn't even stay away after two days. I pushed back the tears that wanted to form. I couldn't cry, not here. Not where he could see or hear me. If he came back and saw me, I was sure there that was it. It was all over. I had felt rejected the second he ever looked at me. There was no way he wanted me. He might have said it, but he must have been lying. 

"I'll sleep and then I'll leave", I decided, pressing my face into the pillow.

I slept through the night without anything stirring me awake. My brain seemed to have decided to leave me alone and my stomach didn't clench in worry. When I woke up the next morning, there was a tray of food on Crowley's desk. I squinted in confusion, my heart racing. My phone beeped in my pocket and I took it out. I had gotten another text and again, it was from Crowley. And this time, I read it, 

'Enjoy breakfast, darling'.

I took the cover off the tray and found pancakes, eggs, bacon, and toast on a plate. All steaming hot and ready to eat. My stomach gave another clench and growl of hunger. I wanted to not give in to his offer of food but I knew I was just torturing myself. And despite the fact I had been feeling lousy about myself, I couldn't help but smile. Sitting down at the desk, I picked the fork and knife and ate the plate of food hungrily, as though I hadn't eaten in days. As soon as I was done eating, I glanced up to see Crowley walk into the room, hands in his coat pockets. He smiled and came to stand by the desk. I sat frozen, feeling my heart beat quicken. 

"Why the sudden avoidance?" He asked, "I've missed you the last two days".

"Why should I believe you?" I asked back, feeling my face flare up.

"Because my favorite toy was misplaced and I saw it sitting on the stairs yesterday. I thought you'd left. Not that it wouldn't take much to find you", Crowley told me.

I stood up, shaking, "I'm not a toy and I'm certainly not yours", my face set, hands shaking in anger, "You don't need me. So why don't I do both of us a favor and leave. Because it occurs to me that everything is a lie. That kiss. You saying you want me", I shrugged, waving my hands, "I was stupid to think-"

"Think what exactly?" Crowley asked, watching me.

I felt my face tremble, feeling the tingling sensation when your about to cry or break down. I pressed my lips firmly together, "Never mind", I muttered, looking away, "It's stupid", I shook my head.

"You could have left any time you wanted. Instead you've been pouting up on the second floor", He cracked a smirk, eyeing me, "This wouldn't entail why you've been avoiding me, would it?"

I flushed brightly, "I'm not going to tell you", I turned back to him, "It wouldn't make a difference". 

"Wouldn't it now?" He asked.

"This isn't going to work. What part of 'your a demon and I'm a human' don't you get? I ruin everything I touch! I'm only good to you until you don't have a use for me anymore! So why the need to keep me around? Your a demon, Crowley", I firmly exclaimed, "Demons lie to get what they want".

He just cocked his head, still amused, "Darling, I don't think you really believe that. I think your just pushing yourself away. Afraid to tell me why your running. And I think I know why. You don't want to admit the truth". He paused, grinning, laughing at something before glancing back at me, "You can't stop thinking about me. Cropping up in your head. So, the avoidance. Can't see me, can't think about me, right?"

"Shut up", I muttered.

"Oh I love when you get all angry", he chuckled, "Your beautiful when your angry".

"Shut up", I stated again, a bit louder, "Just shut up!" My eyes were brimming with tears, "Now look me in the eyes right now and tell me that kiss meant nothing! That you don't really care about me and that your just messing with me! That all of this is a huge mind game to you! That the other night meant nothing to you! That none of this means nothing. I'll give you my soul, I will give you anything you want. Just tell me right here and right now that you didn't mean any of what you said the other night!"

He stared at me, looking at me right in the eye. He said nothing. His face pensive as though studying mine. My whole body felt tense and my heart beat was fast against my chest. I felt tears slipping down my cheek. When he moved towards me, I flinched. Waiting for him to be mad at me for yelling. He brought his hand to my face and brushed my cheek, wiping away one of the stray tears. I blinked slightly, staring at him in confusion. He was nearly nose to nose with me. I closed my eyes and took a few breathes. Trying to calm myself, to make myself stop. My stomach tightened in knots. Was his silence a sign? Was he humoring me? I didn't ask. I didn't want to know the answer. I wanted to run, to do anything but stand there. I felt weak, pathetic. I was being brave out of my own idiocy. 

"Your an denial", another voice spoke up in my subconscious, soft and meek, "You close yourself off because you know the repercussions if something goes wrong. But are you ever going to try? Just try and see what happens".

What could happen? I knew what could possibly happen. My outrage could be true and all my fear to being rejected would be true. But how would I ever know? I stupidly decided to test that theory. I moved the few inches between us. Testing the water, I felt my lips tremble as I pressed against his lower lip. I heard him suck in a breath but he didn't move away as I pulled him into a soft kiss. I told myself to pull away but I didn't. My heart was hammering more and more but I just continued. After a second or so, he started to kiss back. His tongue moving to find mine. I relaxed and wrapped my arms about his neck. Tilting my head to the side to lean against his shoulder. He coaxed me into his embrace and I leaned into him. He sucked on my lower lip, pressing a hungry kiss to my jaw before moving back to recapture my lips for another kiss. 

I shivered with pent up excitement and was reluctant to pull away from the kiss but I moved my face from his, gasping for breath, "I'm sorry...I just", I trailed off, not moving away completely.

Crowley just smirked, "So it's true. You are interested".

My face flushed brightly and I just kissed him again with that confirmation. I couldn't put it into words. I wasn't sure what I could yet say to him to really explain. I was still confused by my own feelings. This wasn't right. It was wrong on so many levels. But it was true, I was in denial. Had been since the first time I'd ever seen him. I pulled away from the kiss yet again.

"There are a few things I need to figure out still", I told him, pulling away altogether, "But that's basically why I've been avoiding you".

He looked satisfied all the same, "Take all the time you need", he smiled before leaving the room.

I slipped back into his desk chair before I fell over. I felt a rush of excitement and smiled, facing flushing brightly. I put my hand to my head as though I felt lightheaded. My lips felt tingly and warm from our kiss. My heart was still beating rapidly. I took a few deep breathes and just sat back, resting my head on the back of the chair. Closing my eyes and trying to calm my heart beat down. My stomach continuing to feel like it was doing back flips. 

"So this is what kissing a demon feels like", I thought, laughing softly to myself. 

The following afternoon, I was sitting on the couch. Half tempted to take a nap. It was gray and cloudy out, a particular good weather to nap during. After a few minutes of hearing a noise on the other end of the hallway, I got up. I hadn't ventured past most of the mansion where I was allowed. I went down towards where the living room was. That door had always been closed whenever I'd passed it previously. The door was ajar now and I went in. The lights were on low and the TV was on. The news on a low volume. I stopped in the doorway and saw Crowley sitting in a chair, watching the TV. He glanced over his shoulder at me and smiled. Gesturing with a hand for me come over. I returned the smile and went over, seating myself in the chair directly next to his. He sat up a little and reached over, taking my hand in his, holding it. I glanced at the gesture and then at him. I felt the shiver of excitement return and flushed. Before I could ask what was going on the news, he sat up a little more, bringing my hand to his lips and brushed the top of my knuckles with a kiss. I felt my breath catch in my throat.

"Crowley-" I started to say.

"About that second date", He interrupted.

"What about it?" I asked, laughing slightly.

"I thought we'd eat in. What are you doing at seven?" He asked.

I smiled and stared towards the floor, shrugging to gesture before glancing back at him. He brought my hand back to his lips and pressed a kiss to it, eyes gazing back at me. "What's for dinner?" I wanted to know, my heart nearly melting into my stomach. 

He chuckled and took out his phone, "I'll get my personal chef on it". 

I nodded and he let go of my hand to make the phone call. I sat in my chair with my hands in my lap. Eyes on the news. I could feel Crowley watching me as he talked on the phone. I would have felt uncomfortable before but now, not so much.


End file.
